It is a fantastic sunny afternoon and I am here, hunched over a keyboard compiling my CV. How many days do we get like this every year? In this part of the world? Not bloody many, let me tell you.

If that wasn't bad enough, I have just realised why I have never attempted to write a CV before. One reason is that I've never needed one before (although when this baby hits the streets and the job offers come flooding in I may reconsider this statement...). All the jobs I've had have come through contacts, friends and former colleagues. In one respect I count myself lucky, having thus far avoided all that nasty interview business, although this may soon be to my disadvantage when I find myself peeing myself in front of one of those panels brandishing clipboards. We'll see.

The main reason the CV malarky is so depressing is because it forces you to take a long, hard look at yourself. This in itself isn't too bad. Self-delusion is a skill I've developed to quite a high standard. But it's not one you can put down to make you an attractive prospect. The worst bit of all is staring at the big, blank section headed 'Achievements'. Time for a little creative writing, anyone?