Hello, good afternoon and welcome.

Woke up today with a fuzzy head, doubtless the result of too much wine last night. Made plans for global domination but subsequently realised that I didn't have the energy to go through with it and I'm meant to be going to a birthday barbecue anyway. So I ate some cream cakes for breakfast instead. Never contemplate taking over the world on an empty stomach, as a wise man once said.

Other interesting things that have happened today? I bought a newspaper. And some juice. There you go.

I suppose it's only polite to put a link here. How about some kid's TV from way back? That'll do it.