WHEN there's such a long gap between posts, the writer exposes himself (or herself, but in this case himself, as I am a gentleman rather than a lady) to the risk of losing what little audience they once had. That's where we are. But I refuse to be daunted. Actually what's more daunting is the thought that I should probably use this platform to fill everyone in about what I've been up to all these months. I don't kid myself that anyone cares but that's the beauty of a blog. You don't have to explain yourself. As far as my life so far... probably best to take baby steps, as they say. If I am lucky enough to have anyone out there who cares enough to even cast an eye over this small blob on the internet then it's likely they'll know me well enough to understand my slackness.

See what I mean? That first paragraph is proof that these introspective web pursuits lead to self-indulgence and little else. Which leads me less than neatly to my first topic of the evening: Facebook (I'm not going to link to it because you alread know exactly where to go).

I have a problem with Facebook. Just so you know, I don't really get it. I mean, I know why people use it, why it sucks up so much of their time; I spent enough time last year harvesting people on myspace to have nailed the concept. But FB in particular seems to have gripped people who couldn't be bothered with myspace. Perhaps it's because it's prettier and irreverent.

In fact it's the latter that does me in. No offense, FB friends, but I don't want to throw snowballs, bite vampires, fight as a Jedi (OK, I'll admit the last one has some appeal to a Star Wars geek) chck out my 'hotness' rating and I certainly don't want to wade through a swamp of forwarded nonesense before I can read my messages. Check out your wall, your super wall, wall to wall... Hell, most of the time I can't see my wall (they are normally easy to spot in real life) or find a single bloody thing of any relevance. I'm being kind there - I can never find anything. What a killjoy I am.

And that's my point. FB to me is one of those phenomena that comes along to let people like me know that we have slipped across the invisible divide between generations, in the same way that I just don't understand why kids wear their jeans around their knees exposing their scabby shorts. It serves no purpose other than to wind me right up. If you have to ask, grandad, you'll never know.

Merry Christmas, by the way. I'd send you a pretend drink on Facebook, if only I could.

NEXT TIME: New music