Nachos: the king of healthy bar snacks. Could I have more melted cheese with that? Marvellous.

Ice on a barbecue? Perfectly normal and great for giving your drinks that smoky flavour. I'm hoping the phrase 'ice on a barbecue' will become as popular as 'snakes an a plane'. Actually, that's already getting tiring. And this is getting random.

Here is Southampton's Mayflower park at sunset. There is a distinct lack of places where you can get near the waterside in the city. This is one of them.

Imitations of life

How's that for a pretentious title for a post which contains nothing more that a few pictures taken at random junctures on my mobile phone/camera/thought control and tracking device (a Sony Ericsson K750i as it happens, technology fans). On the left you'll see how I am categorised on iTunes. 'Great' didn't appear in any of the drop-down menus so I added it myself. Nobody was going to do it for me.

Shocking entertainment news

Lots to get through today so let's get started. Regular readers will know that I'm not particularly taken with the way our culture has become bogged down with 'celebrity' and 'news as entertainment' and 'lowest common denominator'. After all, this is a serious blog for serious people. OK, you got me there. I admit, I did watch a fair bit of Big Brother this time round. I don't even like it which makes this confession all the more bewildering (Although I did find it was very good at clearing the mind after a hectic day. Not that this makes it OK). Don't mind me: I was just trying to add a little gravitas to temper what is going to follow. The 'news' stories you are about to be subjected to have been all over the web today and I feel compelled bring them to your attention.

First up:

Bin Laden 'infatuated' with Whitney Houston

Al Qaida chief Osama bin Laden was obsessed with singer Whitney Houston and wanted to marry her, a new book claims.

Kola Boof, a Sudanese poet and novelist who says she was kept against her will as the terror boss's mistress in 1996, writes in her autobiography that he wanted to give the star a mansion and make her one of his wives.

"He told me that Whitney Houston was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen," Boof claims in Diary of a Lost Girl, excerpts of which are published in Harper's magazine.

But Bin Laden had less respect for Houston's husband Bobby Brown, apparently talking about the possibility of having him killed.

"He said that he had a paramount desire for Whitney Houston and although he claimed music was evil, he spoke of some day spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting with the superstar," Boof writes.

"He said he wanted to give Whitney Houston a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum.

"He explained to me that to possess Whitney, he would be willing to break his colour rule and make her one of his wives."

Bin Laden would speak constantly about "how beautiful she [Houston] is, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband - Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women's husbands killed."

Boof, who also says the Al Qaida supremo would "ramble on" about his favourite TV shows, The Wonder Years, Miami Vice and MacGyver, adds: "In his briefcase, I would come across photographs of the star, as well as copies of Playboy ... It would soon come to the point where I was sick of hearing Whitney Houston's name."

There is so much to laugh at here it's hard to know where to start. With all due respect, where's the journalistic rigour in having a little known (read never bloody heard of and must have one hell of a PR company behind her book launch) Sudanese poet as your (apparently) only source. Not that journalistic rigour is at the top of the list when it comes to stories about Osama bin Laden. But what does this piece actually achieve? I'll leave that for you to comment on. Suffice to say that anyone who wants to remove Bobby Brown from the gene pool has my support. Having said this I'd have to question Osama's choice of TV programmes. No bloody wonder he (allegedly) hates the west so much. The Wonder Years, Miami Vice and MacGyver? Apparently, some of his wives requested bhurkas with the eye slots sewn up when that lot came on. No more questions, your honour.


There's more:

Keane singer treated for drug use

Keane frontman Tom Chaplin is being treated for drink and drug problems, the band have confirmed.

In a statement on the band's website, the 27-year-old said the time had come "to get the professional help I need to sort myself out".

Earlier this month the band cancelled shows in Edinburgh, Dublin and Ibiza, saying at the time that the singer was suffering from exhaustion.

They have also postponed a North American tour planned for next month.

Chaplin's statement said: "I've been having to deal with an increasing problem with drink and drugs, and the time has come to get the professional help I need to sort myself out.

"I feel desperately disappointed to be letting down our fans, but I want to get myself right now so that I can be back on the road for the rest of the year."

Now, I must be a proper cold-hearted sort of individual but so what? In my opinion (which, as I've said, is exactly what you get here) getting whacked out of their gourds is exactly what all self-respecting bands should be doing (OK, it's doesn't work for all of them but if you don't give it a try strikes me as a wasted opportunity and is clearly unfair on those of us who would like to have a go) Keane never came across as that sort of band and their chubby-faced vocalist was always the least likely candidate for drugged-up excess.

My cynicism leads me to suspect that this story might be a way to improve their image and make them seem a bit more edgy (a helluva job for some poor sod) thus ensuring that when they return to the live arena chubby-cheeks receives a hero's welcome, or something. I don't mean to make light of another man's inability to handle his intake but I offer this advice: (1) lay off the Sudafed (can cause drowsiness but you'll be used to that from your own music) and (2) making your own (full sugar) Ribena and not putting in as much water as mother does only constitutes a drinking problem in certain parts of Chichester.

(Apologies for the lack of images and the usual inspiring layout in this post. As I'm sure you're aware, the internet is a fragile thing, despite what anyone believes, and large swathes of it are often crocked, which in my opinion makes a mockery of the reasons for its construction in the first place. Do not under any circumstances throw away your pens and paper. They are bug-proof.)