Stop messing around...
Thursday, June 16, 2005
I couldn't let the day go by without mentioning the delights offered by the UK's top two television channels last night. What a clash! At 10:50PM on BBC1: Under Seige 2 with Steven Seagal (Tagline: A top secret nuclear satellite. A team of international terrorists. A government held hostage. An undetectable moving headquarters. Only one hero stands in the way... Give me strength). I don't think it matters if you haven't seen the first one. In fact, I'd recommend you don't.
Competing for our attention on ITV1 was Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (Tagline: Prepare For Battle/Take Back The Planet/Prepare to go Psychlo/On May 12, We Fight Back and so on...) which I stuck with for the same reasons that people slow down to look at road accidents. In that context it was compulsive viewing. The story was beneath contempt so I won't try to elaborate here but suffice to say it was no less that you'd expect from L. Ron Hubbard. I should mention that Earth has been enslaved by an evil race from another galaxy. They're called Psychlos from the planet Psychlio. Can you see what they did there? What an imagination! From the mind that introduced Scientology to the world. Thinking about it, even the word Scientology is embarrassing (and the concept is more than a little creepy. How about this from their manifesto: "The aims of Scientology are a world without insanity, without criminals, without war, where the able can prosper and where Man is free to rise to greater heights." Where the able can prosper? Not especially inclusive then...)
But I digress. Poorly written, awfully shot, terribly acted by all (some of the least...convincing...evil...laughter...ever, to paraphrase the Comic Store Guy from the Simpsons), more plot holes than plot, if you get my drift. I want to say so much more but I'm afraid it may send my day into a negative spiral. I just wonder how these films get made. So many people are involved in the production that you wonder why nobody stood up and said: "I hate to say it but this is rubbish!"
But hey, we've all got bills to pay.
Competing for our attention on ITV1 was Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (Tagline: Prepare For Battle/Take Back The Planet/Prepare to go Psychlo/On May 12, We Fight Back and so on...) which I stuck with for the same reasons that people slow down to look at road accidents. In that context it was compulsive viewing. The story was beneath contempt so I won't try to elaborate here but suffice to say it was no less that you'd expect from L. Ron Hubbard. I should mention that Earth has been enslaved by an evil race from another galaxy. They're called Psychlos from the planet Psychlio. Can you see what they did there? What an imagination! From the mind that introduced Scientology to the world. Thinking about it, even the word Scientology is embarrassing (and the concept is more than a little creepy. How about this from their manifesto: "The aims of Scientology are a world without insanity, without criminals, without war, where the able can prosper and where Man is free to rise to greater heights." Where the able can prosper? Not especially inclusive then...)
But I digress. Poorly written, awfully shot, terribly acted by all (some of the least...convincing...evil...laughter...ever, to paraphrase the Comic Store Guy from the Simpsons), more plot holes than plot, if you get my drift. I want to say so much more but I'm afraid it may send my day into a negative spiral. I just wonder how these films get made. So many people are involved in the production that you wonder why nobody stood up and said: "I hate to say it but this is rubbish!"
But hey, we've all got bills to pay.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Monday, June 13, 2005
It is a fantastic sunny afternoon and I am here, hunched over a keyboard compiling my CV. How many days do we get like this every year? In this part of the world? Not bloody many, let me tell you.
If that wasn't bad enough, I have just realised why I have never attempted to write a CV before. One reason is that I've never needed one before (although when this baby hits the streets and the job offers come flooding in I may reconsider this statement...). All the jobs I've had have come through contacts, friends and former colleagues. In one respect I count myself lucky, having thus far avoided all that nasty interview business, although this may soon be to my disadvantage when I find myself peeing myself in front of one of those panels brandishing clipboards. We'll see.
The main reason the CV malarky is so depressing is because it forces you to take a long, hard look at yourself. This in itself isn't too bad. Self-delusion is a skill I've developed to quite a high standard. But it's not one you can put down to make you an attractive prospect. The worst bit of all is staring at the big, blank section headed 'Achievements'. Time for a little creative writing, anyone?
If that wasn't bad enough, I have just realised why I have never attempted to write a CV before. One reason is that I've never needed one before (although when this baby hits the streets and the job offers come flooding in I may reconsider this statement...). All the jobs I've had have come through contacts, friends and former colleagues. In one respect I count myself lucky, having thus far avoided all that nasty interview business, although this may soon be to my disadvantage when I find myself peeing myself in front of one of those panels brandishing clipboards. We'll see.
The main reason the CV malarky is so depressing is because it forces you to take a long, hard look at yourself. This in itself isn't too bad. Self-delusion is a skill I've developed to quite a high standard. But it's not one you can put down to make you an attractive prospect. The worst bit of all is staring at the big, blank section headed 'Achievements'. Time for a little creative writing, anyone?
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