I've just seen a poster advertising 'international medium' Tony Stockwell's forthcoming appearance at Southampton Guildhall. You may not have heard of him if you don't watch Living TV, whatever the hell that is (apparently he's their resident hokus blokus or some such).

I hadn't heard until I saw a recent flyer touting him as 'Britain's most accurate medium', a quote from the Daily Mail, no less. To me that's a bit like celebrating 'Britain's most literate cockroach' - a moot point you'll have to agree, especially if you share my opinion of so-called psychics and the like (several strata below sub-human scum. Need I go on?)

Anyway, should you have the dubious pleasure of checking his website - as I've just done in the name of research - you'll be confronted with one creepy looking fellow, not entirely unlike an estate agent (I daresay the skills are transferable: lying to confused vulnerable suckers for cash) or a freakier version of Rhydian from X Factor (what else do you think I do on a cold winter Saturday night?).

Really keen acolytes can "join Tony at one of Warwickshire’s most renowned and exclusive hotels for an unforgettable Evening of Clairvoyance and a unique opportunity to share a 3 course dinner."

So that's a course each for Tony and his two fans. If only. I bet there's loads of them. I'm reminded one time I witnessed one of these TV psychics performing a bit of cold reading on an audience. It went something like this:

"I'm getting the name John. Does the name John mean anything to anyone here?"
Someone says yes, funnily enough.
"And John had a dog, didn't he."
No, he didn't have a dog.
"OK, it was a picture of a dog. I'm seeing a picture."
No, they don't recall a picture of a dog.
"Sure, sure. But I'm definitely seeing a picture... somewhere in his house."
Yes, yes! He had a picture in his house. John had a picture!
"Well he wants you to know he's fine and heaven is great."

No further questions.